Annals of Improbable Research
JANUARY|FEBRUARY 2008 (volume 14, number 1)
Reclassification/Renaming Issue
The features marked with a star (*) are based entirely on material taken straight from standard research (and other Official and Therefore Always Correct) literature. Many of the other articles are genuine, too, but we don’t know which ones.
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Contents
Special Section: Reclassification/Renaming
6 Artificae Plantae: The Taxonomy, Ecology, and Ethnobotany of the Simulacraceae —
11 Constellation Reformation* — 13 Reclassification Research Review* —
Improbable Research
15 A The Problem with My Books* —
Improbable Research Reviews*
IFC Where Freckles Come From * —
4 Improbable Research Review* —
5 Improbable Medical Review* —
18 Lester’s Latest* —
20 Plucked from Obscurity: Technology + Animals* —
24 Boys Will Be Boys* —
27 Icky Cutesy Research Review* —
28 Soft Is Hard* —
30 May We Recommend*—Stephen Drew
News & Notes
2 AIR Vents (letters from our readers)
14 AIR books
14 HMO-NO News: Antibiotics, Antibiotics!
16 Puzzling Solutions —
26 Bends on the Learning Curve—Richard Lederer
30 Teachers’ Guide
31 CARTOON: “Cheshire Cat Weirder” — Nick Kim
31 Back Issues
IBC Unclassified Ads
On the Front Cover
Wooden tulips arranged on the title page of Richard Muther’s textbook Practical Plant Layout, published in the year 1955.
On the Back Cover
The constellation Perseus, as depicted by the German astronomer Johannes Hevelius in his atlas published in the year 1690. Image courtesy of National Library of Medicine, who have digitized the entire book.
Coming Events
(see WWW.IMPROBABLE.COM for details of these and other events)
AAAS Annual Meeting, Boston — February 2008
Ig Nobel Tour of the UK — March 2008
Every Day
Read something new and improbable every weekday on the Improbable Research blog, on our web site: WWW.IMPROBABLE.COM
Where Freckles Come From
The past quarter century has seen several, or at least two, great advances in our understanding of freckles. Here are the two.
Where Freckles Come From (1)
“Experimental Induction of Freckles by Ultraviolet-B,” P.D. Wilson and A.M. Kligman, British Journal of Dermatology, vol. 106, no. 4, April 1982, pp. 401–6. The authors are respectively at the University of Pennsylvania and at Stobhill General Hospital in Glasgow.
Where Freckles Come From (2)
“A Gene for Freckles Maps to Chromosome 4q32-q34,” Xue-Jun Zhang, Ping-Ping He, Yan-Hua Liang, Sen Yang, Wen-Tao Yuan, Shi-Jie Xu and Wei Huang, Journal of Investigative Dermatology, vol. 122, 2004, pp. 286–90. The authors, who are variously at Anhui Medical University, at the Chinese National Human Genome Center at Shanghai, and at the Key Laboratory of Genome Research at Anhui, China, explain that:
This... will be very useful for the understanding of the molecular mechanism of freckles.
AIR Vents
Exhalations from our readers
NOTE: The opinions expressed here represent the opinions of the authors and do not necessarily represent the opinions of those who hold other opinions.
His Feet Stink
My feet stink. I have over the past 43 years conducted a series of experiments to establish that this is true, and to delineate the limits within which it is true. I would place a test subject in close proximity to my feet, and observe their consequent behavior. I have done this with more than 4300 test subjects. These include: rats; cats; mice; dormice; ferrets; sheep; bees; ants; gnats; dingos; a llama; pigeons; ducks; geese; cows; aphids; shrews; a salmon. hedgehogs; foxes; ermine; earthworms; and human beings. All test subjects, with certain exceptions that I will detail in a separate letter, displayed aversive behavior. In layman’s terms: they fled. Would you be interested in publishing a formal account of my experiments if I were to write it up?
(I enclose a photograph of the American Civil War Rear Admiral Andrew H. Foote, whose name and—more to the point—whose own lengthy personal discovery of the power of smelly feet I have adopted as a mildly jocund inspiration. The photograph does not show Admiral Foote’s foot, an omission which I am sure I do not need to explain to you.)
Thomas P. D’Arcy, MD
Clive, Cumbria, UK
On the Track of Certain Shoes
The animal track shoe patent that you ‘plucked from obscurity’ in the May-June 2007 issue (AIR 13:3) may have been the source of inspiration for several series of childrens’ school shoes produced in the 1970s. The companies involved were Bata, Clarks and Tuff, and the animal prints on the shoe soles varied according to the country in which the shoes were sold—the Australian versions included kangaroo and wombat tracks, I seem to remember. Unlike the McMorrow prototype, each shoe had the tracks of several animals on its sole, so the impression left for the tracker would be of a group of different-sized animals—a kangaroo, a wombat and a koala, say—striding along in unison, the wombat and koala taking large steps while the kangaroo took short ones, all the while being careful not to tread in each others’ tracks. Some of the shoes also had a compass in the heel to aid in one’s bushcraft.
Perhaps readers from other countries can add their own reminiscences.
Jon Jermey
Blaxland NSW, Australia
Secondhand Bottomless Bowl News
You ought to be aware of a letter that appeared recently in New Scientist magazine in reference to their report about the 2007 Ig Nobel Prize winners. The letter is from David Harper of Le Faouët, France. It caught my eye partly because my husband has that same name. Neither my husband nor I is related (as far as we know) to this David Harper, nor is our cat, Superstring, related to his cat. His letter says, in part:
Readers may be interested to learn of a similar experiment that I carried out on the family cat—Trixie—in about 1952. I hasten to add that I was then in my early teens, there was not then—so far as I am aware—any need to obtain a licence for animal experiments and the cat was free to leave at any moment of her own choosing. Which she did.
I had wondered why it was that a saucer of milk appeared to be just the right measure for a cat. Had saucers been designed with cats in mind? Or perhaps vice versa? In order to throw some light on this, one evening I waited until Trixie had finished her bedtime milk and then refilled the saucer. This she ignored, and indeed became very cross at being repeatedly taken back and encouraged to have a second helping.
Not content with results so far, I subseqently set up a rig in which a length of Bunsen tubing ended in the saucer, the other end being supported by a retort stand and terminated by a glass filter funnel. The saucer was filled with milk which Trixie then began to drink, more milk being gently added via the funnel as she lapped it up. The cat began to slow up when she had drunk the equivalent of two saucers of milk, but carried on valiantly until she was just past her third helping. She then left the house. Quickly.
With the benefit of hindsight it seems I should have published this experiment.
Therese Harper-Glatzen
Alpbach, Austria
Jargon Appreciator, Yet Again
Thank you for publishing my letter about “Important Jargons in Scientific Reports” (AIR Vents 14:1), and for publishing my reply (“Unimportant Perspectives on Important Jargons,” AIR Vents 14:6) to the angry letters that people wrote in response to my letter (AIR Vents 14:3, 14:4, 14:5). I ought to disclose that I am not a completely disinterested party. My mother, Emily Franchot Jargon, was an astronomer. Being a woman (as she most assuredly was) and having a supposedly funny-sounding surname, she was not always credited for the discoveries she made. Now perhaps you better understand why I decided to collect research reports by scientists who are named Jargon—be they women or men!—and to try to help them get the recognition that they probably deserve. Here is one of my latest finds: “Nonlinear Large-Signal Scattering Parameters: Theory and Applications,” Jeffrey A. Jargon, K.C. Gupta, and Donald C. DeGroot, ARFTG Conference Digest, June 2004, pp. 157–74. I will endeavor to find more, and invite your readers to join me in this questionable quest.
Burriss J. Fisk
North Bay, Ontario, Canada
The Moth Effect
You have published several articles about the famous “butterfly effect,” the idea that a butterfly in one country, by flapping its wings, can cause the eventual occurrence of a hurricane at some distant part of the globe. I introduce to you the moth effect. Here is a note that was sent to me and many of my fellow entomologists (I am also, by profession, a software engineer). It came from a quality assurance engineer who works for a well-known computer company. I have redacted his name and the name of his company. Here is the note:
Here at [company name redacted] (located in [city name redacted], Mexico) we received a claim from our client in Japan, when they found some kind of moth inside of our printer. So we have to determine the country on which this kind of moth lives, to determine if this moth came inside of the printer here or in Japan. We have only some pictures of the wings of this moth. So, I am asking for your help identifying this moth or if you know a person or laboratory that can support us please let me know. As this is an urgent matter we are open to any fee that you may require to do this job. Please if you are interested contact me and I will send to you the pictures.
R.T. Jha, MA.
FJQ Right Systems
Bangalore, India
Wenze and Ban
It is quite an honor to find that my research efforts in the domain of dysphoria and cognition have been classified as “pippin” by R.S. Ban (AIR Vents 13:4). Is that R.S. Ban related to the R S. Ban who recently published “Circumsporozoite gene of a Plasmodium falciparum strain from Thailand”? Or was that article written by a relative of that R.S. Ban?
Susan Wenze, M.A.
The American University
Washington, D.C.
Wenze Upon Wenze
Grete and Sylvia Wenze (AIR Vents 13:4) have reminded me of our meeting in the Sacher Hotel, drinking café mit schlag, comparing publication records. I believe that we agreed at that time that the question of which Wenzes were superior to which other Wenzes was to be determined by which Wenzes were first published in AIR. Therefore, I am one of the superior Wenzes.
Linda Wenze, Ph.D.
Associate Professor
Department of Health Care and Public Administration
Long Island University, C.W. Post Campus
Brookville, New York
Mel in Barcelona: Conclusion #2
I was wrong about the most recent of the series of corrections I was forced (by my subsequent careful observations, after my earlier, as-it-turned-out not quite so careful observations) to make to the photograph from our archives that shows Mel (the little bearded man who keeps appearing, albeit posthumously, in your letters column) during his brief visit to the city of Barcelona in 1929, After further careful review, I have determined—contrary to what I wrote you recently and what you (thank you, unfortunately) printed—that all of the men indicated in my previous letters as being Mel, each of whom I later identified as being not Mel, are not quite who I took them to be or not to be.
I have drawn a THICK arrow over all the thinner arrows that I used as corrections in previous versions of the photograph. The thick arrow, and the thick circle near the head of it, show you the location of, yes, Mel. He really is in that photograph, the third man from the left in the group right at the center of the big thick circle. Thank you for your patience with me as I painstakingly corrected my corrections over the past year or so.
Ramon Corbut
Senior Archivist
Archives of the Brothers of Historical Institute
Barcelona, Spain
Improbable Research Review
Improbable theories, experiments, and conclusions
compiled by Dirk Manley, Improbable Research staff
Disturbing: Conclusion
“Awakening Effects of Simulated Sonic Booms and Aircraft Noise on Men and Women,” Jerome. S. Lukas, Journal of Sound and Vibration, vol. 20, no. 4 , February 22, 1972, pp. 457–66. The author, who is at Southampton University, U.K., reports that
[My] result contradicts a previous finding with animals and suggests that sonic booms are likely to be more startling in quiet environments than noisy ones.
Simple Physics (1)
“An Exceptionally Simple Theory of Everything,” A. Garrett Lisi, arXiv:0711.0770, November 6, 2007. The abstract reads, in full:
All fields of the standard model and gravity are unified as an E8 principal bundle connection. A non-compact real form of the E8 Lie algebra has G2 and F4 subalgebras which break down to strong su(3), electroweak su(2) x u(1), gravitational so(3,1), the frame-Higgs, and three generations of fermions related by triality. The interactions and dynamics of these 1-form and Grassmann valued parts of an E8 superconnection are described by the curvature and action over a four dimensional base manifold.
Simple Physics (2)
“Exceptionally Simple E(6) Theory,” P.H. Frampton and T.W. Kephart, Physical Review D, vol. 25, no. 5, 1982, pp. 1459–61. The abstract reads, in full:
We present an E(6) unified theory where the Higgs scalars must be in a unique irreducible representation to solve the strong CP problem naturally. The superheavy symmetry breaking of E(6) to SU(5) and of the Peccei-Quinn U(1) is demonstrated. Phenomenological aspects are briefly discussed.
Jesus the Kiwi Manly Man
“Jesus and the Ideal of the Manly Man in New Zealand after World War One,” Geoffrey M. Troughton, Journal of Religious History, vol. 30, no. 1, February 2006, pp. 45–60. (Thanks to Kristine Danowski for bringing this to our attention.) The author, at Massey University, reports:
Attempts to project Jesus in more “masculine” terms were embedded in more general concerns about feminization of religion and society in the nineteenth century. Feminization elevated feminine images and modes of piety, and affected patterns of religiosity. These concerns became prominent in New Zealand from the 1890s as the churches became increasingly aware that churchgoing was conspicuously female.
Broccoli and Crucifix on Shortwave
“Estimating Shortwave Radiative Forcing and Response in Climate Models,” K.E. Taylor, M. Crucifix, P. Braconnot, C.D. Hewitt, C. Doutriaux, A.J. Broccoli, J.F.B. Mitchell, and M.J. Webb, Journal of Climate, vol. 20, no. 11, June 2007, pp. 2530–43. (Thanks to Tom Gill for bringing this to our attention.)
We welcome your suggestions for this and other columns. Please enclose the full citation (no abbreviations!) and,if possible, a copy of the paper.
Improbable Medical Review
Improbable diagnoses, techniques, and research
compiled by Bertha Vanatian, Improbable Research staff
Cheese Nightmares
“Pargyline and the Cheese Reaction,” J. Charles Shee, British Medical Journal, vol. 1, no. 5395, May 30, 1964, p. 1441. The author, in Bulawayo, South Rhodesia, reports:
I have lately seen a patient with moderate essential hypertension who because of various side-effects with other drugs was changed to pargyline, 25 mg. every morning; this gave satisfactory control and within a fortnight the patient volunteered that he felt much less depressed, but was having nightmares. Inquiry produced the fact that he habitually ate one or two ounces (30-60 g.) of Cheddar cheese with his supper every evening. The nightmares were of a horrifying nature, and curiously they were concerned not with his immediate’ family or friends but with people such as his workmates, with whom he was not in any particular emotional relationship. He dreamt of one, terribly mutilated, hanging from a meat-hook. Another he dreamt of falling into a bottomless abyss. When cheese was withdrawn from his diet the nightmares ceased.
A Puzzling Case
“Broken Hand or Broken Nose: A Case Report,” B.P. Shravat and S.N. Harrop, Journal of Accident and Emergency Medicine, vol. 12, no. 3, September 1995, pp. 225–6. The authors are at Blackpool Victoria Hospital, U.K.
Pitchfork in the Right Buttock: Treatment
“Anaesthesia in the Prone Position for Impalement Injury,” D.J. Gattas and L.S. Weber, Anaesthesia and Intensive Care, vol. 27, no. 4, August 1999, pp. 421–3. The authors, who are at Canberra Hospital, in Australia, report that:
A 22-year-old man was brought to the Emergency Department in the prone position, having been impaled in the right buttock with a large pitchfork. He was in excruciating pain and nauseated; attempts to move the patient or the pitchfork caused severe pain. Caudal blockade was carried out in the prone position, without moving the patient, and proved to be very efficacious. The pitchfork was then removed painlessly, allowing us to turn the patient supine. A conventional induction of general anaesthesia was then made possible.
Nose-bending Foreigners
“Rare Cases of Live Foreign Bodies in the Nasal Cavity” [article in Russian] , B.D. Nuryev, Vestnik Otorinolaringologii, vol. 3, May–June 1986, p. 77.
Hiphuggers’ Tingly Thighs
“Hiphuggers’ Tingly Thighs,” Malvinder S. Parmar, Canadian Medical Association Journal, vol. 168, no. 1, January 7, 2003, p. 168. (Thanks to Maddalena Feliciello for bringing this to our attention.) The author, who is at Timmins and District Hospital, Timmins, Ontario, explains:
I recently saw 3 mildly obese young women between the ages of 22 and 35, who had worn tight “low-rise” trousers (also called hiphuggers) over the previous 6 to 8 months. All presented with symptoms of tingling or a burning sensation on the lateral aspect of the thigh (bilateral in one case). The results of a physical examination were unremarkable, except for mild local tenderness at the anterior superior iliac spine in 2 patients.... One of the women was concerned about multiple sclerosis and requested MRI but was reassured by my explanation of the origin of her symptoms. In all 3 patients, the symptoms resolved after 4 to 6 weeks of avoiding hiphuggers and wearing loose-fitting dresses.
Artificae Plantae: The Taxonomy, Ecology, and Ethnobotany of Simulacraceae
A previously unacknowledged plant family of significant economic importance plants has been flourishing around us for many years. The fact that this immense and diverse family has been heretofore ignored by most botanists is astonishing—its members are found worldwide in nearly every society. This family is more than a botanical curiosity. It is a scientific conundrum, as the taxa:
- lack genetic material,
- appear virtually immortal and
- have the ability to form intergeneric crosses with ease, despite the lack of any evident mechanism for cross-fertilization.
In this study, conducted over approximately six years, we elucidate the first full description and review of this fascinating taxon, heretofore named Simulacraceae. The distribution, ecology, taxonomy, ethnobotany and chemistry of this widespread family are herein presented. We have identified more than 80 species, and determined that this cosmopolitan family has a varied ecology. This report delineates seventeen genera (Calciumcarbonatia, Celadonica, Conglomeratium, Dentumadhesivium, Ductusadhesivia, Granitus, Lignus, Metallicus, Papyroidia, Paraffinius, Photophyta, Plasticus, Polystyrin, Prophylactica, Simulacra, Silicus and Textileria).
Figure 1. Performing a species inventory in the |
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Methods
We used opportunistic sampling as our principal method for the study of the simulacraceae. We first became acutely interested in the simulacraceae during the 2000 Society for Economic Botany (SEB) annual meeting, when we began pondering the identities of ornamental arrangements. At the 2001 SEB meeting in Honolulu, Hawai’i, our interest was piqued by the species diversity evidenced in the culturally important lei (a Hawai’ian traditional garland of flowers, usually worn around the neck). Since then, we have been collecting simulacraceae whenever we stumble upon them. Family, friends and colleagues have contributed to this effort.
Collecting simulacraceous plants can be difficult. Although no country of which we are aware requires a permit, collecting is often hampered by property rights considerations. Speed with clippers is essential (although the enterprise is not without some minor ethical concerns). We also have purchased collections when necessary; this sometimes added a layer of obscurity to the provenance of particular specimens. In an effort to get some real numbers on the biodiversity of the simulacraceae, we prepared long and hard to conduct an extensive (1 day) field session in the simulacraceae-rich Rain Forest Café located in the Palisades Center, Nyack, New York (41.098° N, 73.956° W) in January, 2002.
We performed a productive transect of the exterior of the café. The site included a 20-meter wall laden with simulacraceae, dominated by genus Plasticus (Figure 1). This transect was broken down into five plots (of 5 x 1meter) at random, and the species present in each plot were recorded, when they were identifiable. An abbreviated species list, including collections from this site, is found in the appendix. We tagged and mapped individuals of a particularly dominant species, Plasticus magnolius BRR, for modeling of population dynamics. In the remaining sections of this report, we present our results.
Figure 2. Simulacraceae collection localities |
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Distribution
The simulacraceae are suspected to be cosmopolitan, and have been collected (so far) in the United States, Mexico, Panama, Peru, Brazil, Scotland, Portugal, Spain, Morocco, Mali, Nepal, Laos, Malaysia, China and Thailand (see Figure 2).
They are found in all manner of ecotypes: house plants, fish tanks, home gardens, costumes, cemeteries, concrete gardens, parades, restaurants, museums, dentists’ offices, supermarkets, igloos, hotel rooms, zoos, hats and building lobbies.
There seems to be no limit to the habitats in which the simulacraceae can grow, except perhaps in the wild. This may be evidence of some human–simulacraceae symbiotic relation that bears further study.
Figure 3. A member of the tribe Cyborgiae, |
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Description and Phylogeny
So far, we have identified seventeen genera and 86 species in the Simulacraceae sensu strictu: Calciumcarbonatia (5), Celadonica (3), Conglomeratium (3), Dentumadhesivium (1), Ductusadhesivia (3), Granitus (2), Hotairia (1), Lignus (6), Metallicus (4), Papyroidia (1), Paraffinius (1), Photophyta (2), Plasticus (51), Polystyrin (4), Prophylactica (1), Silicus (5) and Textileria (3). Given the apparent lack of genetic material, relationships among the genera resulted in an indeterminate “bush-like” phylogeny. A complete search of the literature turned up no records of morphological genera fossils that we could equate to our extant Simulacraceae genera.We were only somewhat successful at finding transitional groups or living fossils of the simulacraceae.
For example, the Cyborgiae (Figure 3) appears as either an advanced transitional group or very complex symbiotically intertwined organisms.
Chemistry
Comprehensive chemical analysis proved to be an effective tool for delineating taxa in this diverse genomically-challenged family. Samples were prepared and subjected to various modern spectroscopic means of analysis, including touch, feel and smell. Indeed, the naming of the taxa follows from the physical constituents. Species of Plasticus, the most abundant and speciose genus, are typically composed primarily of complex polymers of long-chain hydrocarbons, indicative of their origins in the petrochemical industry. Textileria is a varied genus morphologically, but all species tend to be composed of various fabrics. Metallicus (Figure 4) is an easily recognizable genus, often shiny and generally hard to the touch. Calciumcarbonatia species are created primarily from seashells. Ductusadhesivia is a unique genus made entirely from that ubiquitous problem-solver, duct tape. Granitus species are all those composed of rock, regardless of the geology of those rocks. Silicus flowers (Figure 5) are typified by the use of glass as the primary component. Lignus are constructed from the wood of euphytae, the true plants. Papyroidia species include all those species described by the Japanese tradition of origami, as well as other more pedestrian paper plants. Simulacra is a very interesting monotypic genus composed of latex barrier-method sexual prohylatics represented by one collection from a restaurant in Bangkok, Thailand. Hotaria is a new monotypic genus of flexible vessels filled with air or lighter-than-air gases found in uptown Manhattan, New York City. Paraffinius plants seem to comprise parts made of vegetable, animal or mineral-based waxes, limiting their range to more temperate environments. Photophyta are made at least partially of objects that emit light such as light-emitting diodes and fluorescent or incandescent lights. The light production of Photophyta leads us to predict a possible commensal symbiosis between any photosynthetic member of Euphyta and Photophyta. The Celadonica genus is composed of any clay, ceramic and/or glaze, leading to great durability. Conglomeratium (Figure 6) is made of material that is an artificial mixture or conglomeration of rocks and minerals, including the large concrete plants that can be found in some public squares. Polystyrin is composed of styrofoam or other polymers enclosing many minute air pockets.
Figure 4. Metallicus pinus var. |
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Ecology
Given the apparent cosmopolitan nature of this family, the ecology of the simulacraceae is rather difficult to circumscribe.
We found simulacraceae within all of Koppen’s climate classifications (McKnight 1984), in an enormous range of ecosystems. However, individuals within the family exhibit a clustered distribution. In fact, those areas with very high species richness of simulacraceae are restricted to relatively small microenvironments, perhaps best described as hotspots. Populations and communities of simulacraceae appear allelopathic: where simulacraceae are found, euphytae are at a distance. However, we have found very restricted cases of apparent non-obligate mutualistic or parasitic symbioses of simulacraceae and euphytae: the species Plasticus laurus was discovered intertwined with a Quercus species, and P. gypsophyllum was located among numerous euphytae.
In 2002, we conducted a census of 178 plants at the Palisades Center Mall in Nyack, N.Y. We mapped and tagged all individuals, measured size from the anchoring substrate to leaf apex, counted leaves, and marked leaves and flowers with paint to track productivity. In our initial census we were surprised to find individuals restricted to the reproductive stage class. However, in 2004 when a particularly dominant species in the Nyack location, P. magnolias, was reviewed again, we were not surprised to find the data exactly the same as our 2002 results. In the three years between censuses, no individuals grew. In fact, stage residence was 100%. The same leaves and flowers that we marked in 2002 remained and repeat photography of the flowers revealed the same stage of blossoming in 2004. In addition, there remained only one stage, with an absence of seeds, juveniles, pre-reproductive or senescent individuals.
Figure 5. Silicus nymphaeus (holotype) |
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Ethnobotany
By world market standards, this family is of extreme economic importance, following close behind the main agricultural families. Interestingly, during the course of extensive informal interviews with cultural practitioners, we found no edible, medical, poisonous or hallucinogenic uses for any species in this family. Instead, people throughout the world generally use simulacraceae for art, ritual and ornament, with occasional utilitarian uses.
Artisanal uses for simulacraceae are quite common. They are often utilized in wreaths, bouquets and beading, and by schoolchildren in class projects. We have witnessed simulacraceae used for ornamentation at multiple scales in zoos, museum displays, malls, hotel lobbies and clothing. The ever-increasing ritual use of simulacraceae includes simulacraceae Christmas trees, World War II Textileria papaver, carnival costumes and Day of the Dead grave decorations.
Finally, it is worth noting that a number of simulacraceae also have highly specialized utilitarian uses. Our research has uncovered surprising cases of simulacraceae in the public sector, including a trash can, a telephone and a cell phone tower (Figure 4). Plasticus lumber is becoming increasingly common for boardwalks in seaside towns and residential housing. It is extremely durable, lightweight, attractive and relatively inexpensive. While composed of complex polymeric hydrocarbons, it is generally the product of recycling, and is therefore not directly reliant on non-renewable resources in the form of crude oil. With increasing alarm over the degradation of the euphytae, we applaud the growing use of simulacraceae for such utilitarian items.
Figure 6. Conglomeratium arachis (holotype) and |
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Conclusions
We have delineated an entirely new taxa at the family level that has gone unnoticed by botanists. We have presented data on the phylogeny, ecology, chemistry, and ethnobotany of the heretofore undescribed yet economically important plant family Simulacraceae. As we approach press time, new species and even genera within this family continue to be found. We hope that others will be inspired to take up the challenge of continuing this important work.
References
Physical Geography: A Landscape Appreciation. T.L. McKnight. Prentice-Hall, Englewood Cliffs, N.J., 1984.
Note: A version of this article was published in the journal Ethnobotany Research and Applications.
Appendix
Appendix: List of Simulacraceae collections
List of Simulacraceae collections, including those from Rainforest Café Plasticus inventory of Nyack, N.Y. in 2002, deposited in the Foundation for Artificial Knowledge Education (FAKE) herbarium.
|
Common Name |
Genus |
Species |
Variety |
Authority |
Coll. No. |
Coll. Date |
Locality |
Habitat |
|
Dancing doll orchid |
Plasticus |
oncidum |
|
N. Bletter |
NB 18 |
31-May-01 |
Honolulu, HI, inside Hilton hotel apartments, 2003 Kalia Rd, 1st floor bathroom. |
Floral arrangement in bathroom hotel, low light, high humidity. |
|
Plumeria |
Plasticus |
plumeria |
|
N. Bletter |
NB 19 |
02-Jun-01 |
Kailua Kona, HI, inside Keahole-Kona International Airport shop, Airport Rd. |
Lei arrangement from airport shop rack, found with Plasticus hibiscus and Plasticus nephrolepis. |
|
Wisteria |
Plasticus |
wisteria |
|
N. Bletter |
NB 21 |
17-Jun-01 |
Quogue, N.Y., inside suburban diner. |
Floral arrangement in diner banquet, in flower boxes with numerous other species. |
|
Hydrangea |
Plasticus |
hydrangea |
|
N. Bletter |
NB 13 |
15-Dec-01 |
New York, N.Y., Manhattan, inside 452 W 13th St. & 10th Ave., 2nd floor. |
Abandoned meat-packing warehouse, cold bathroom, found in pot used as door stop, quite dusty. |
|
Schefflera |
Plasticus |
schefflera |
|
N. Bletter |
NB 15 |
15-Dec-01 |
New York, N.Y., Brooklyn, east side of Bedford Ave., between S 5th St. and S 4th St. |
Attached to existing Euphyta street tree in |
|
Lemon |
Plasticus |
citrus |
|
N. Bletter |
NB 7 |
29-Dec-01 |
New York, N.Y., Brooklyn, Costume |
Smoky bar, with “white” theme dress. Plants found wrapped around one participant dressed in roman toga. |
|
Pothos |
Plasticus |
philodendron |
|
N. Bletter |
NB 25 |
17-Jan-02 |
West Nyack, N.Y., inside Palisade Center shopping |
Found in dried out aquatic area, perhaps fallen from the wall and ceiling where it was apparently had a climbing habit and was interspersed with 49 other Plasticus species. |
|
Philodendron |
Plasticus |
philodendron |
|
BRR |
BRR 19 |
17-Jan-02 |
West Nyack, N.Y., inside Palisade Center shopping |
Simulacraceae hotspot outside on wall of Rain Forest Café store. |
|
Magnolia |
Plasticus |
magnolia |
White |
BRR |
BRR 26 |
17-Jan-02 |
West Nyack, N.Y., inside Palisade Center shopping |
Simulacraceae hotspot outside on wall of Rain Forest Café store. |
1City University of New York Graduate Center, Biological Sciences, N.Y., N.Y.; 2Current address: Weill Cornell Medical College, N.Y., N.Y.;
3New York Botanical Garden, Bronx, N.Y.; 4Yale University, School of Forestry & Environmental Studies, New Haven, CT; 5Current address: University of Georgia Department of Anthropology, Athens, GA.
Constellation Reformation
A constellation is a group of stars that form a particular pattern. The celestial sphere is traditionally divided into 88 such constellations. Most are arranged to resemble characters from Ancient Greek mythology, and all have Latin names. Examples include Aries, Cygnus, Pisces and Virgo.
These archaic descriptors and their associated myths are usually lost on today’s youth. Adolescents have difficulty relating to outdated objects such as harps, herdsmen and flying horses, as they are enamored with modern-day conveniences such as cars, computers and coffee shops. It should come as no surprise that fewer and fewer young people show any interest in astronomy.
Figure 2. The constellation |
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Figure 1. The constellation
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I have devised a comprehensive restructuring of constellation naming conventions as a means of attracting more students. Along with radical design changes, it also forsakes Latin names in favor of modern English.
For example, consider Cassiopeia, which depicts the mythological queen sitting in a chair. I believe that this constellation would be much more palatable to today’s youth if it were reoriented and renamed Handgun, as illustrated in Figure 1.
Figure 4. The constellation Leo transformed |
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Figure 3. The constellation |
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Likewise, Gemini, which portrays twin brothers Castor and Pollux, would be better served if it were transformed into Cell Phone, as shown in Figure 2.
Two additional examples are Taurus refurbished as Electric Guitar (Figure 3) and Leo modernized to become Motorcycle (Figure 4). These are but a few of the possibilities. If my constellation reformation is embraced by the scientific community, I will supply others.
Reclassification Research Review
Research that looks askance at the past
The New Flavobacterium gondwanense
“Psychroflexus torquis gen. nov., sp. nov., a Psychrophilic Species from Antarctic Sea Ice, and Reclassification of Flavobacterium gondwanense (Dobson et al. 1993) as Psychroflexus gondwanense gen. nov., comb. nov,” J.P. Bowman, S.A. McCammon, T. Lewis, J.H. Skerratt, J.L. Brown, D.S. Nichols and TA McMeekin, Microbiology, vol. 144, no. 6, 1998, 1601–9.
The New Tripe Ectatommini
Contributions Toward a Reclassification of the Formicidae. II. Tripe Ectatommini (Hymenoptera), W. Brown, Museum of Comparative Zoology,1958.
For Examiners
Recommendations for Reclassification Examiner Series. C4700.8 R245 2000, 2001-1217, Texas State Publications, 2001.
The Tusculum Way
Reclassification: The Tusculum Way, Cleo Treadway, Tusculum College Press, 1974.
Classification Reclassification
“Automatic Defect Classification (ADC) Reclassification Engine,” U.S. patent #5966459, granted October 12, 1999 to Ming Chun Chen et al.
HMO-NO News
Health care advice to pass on to your patients
Antibiotics, Antibiotics!
Antibiotics can be the key to your future health. Medicine fully came of age only with the invention and use of antibiotic drugs. Our new ExtraAntibiotics™ program is based on the ancient principle that one can never get enough of a good thing. In place of your normal food intake, you will substitute liquid and solid antibiotics. Within days, you’ll notice a marked difference in the way you feel!* **
* Note: Antibiotics provided separately; see fee schedule 278-B for fees and mandatory liability waiver forms.
** Note: This program is not recommended for patients for whom antibiotics have been demonstrated to be lethal.
HMO-NO The very final word in health care
A The Problem with My Books
[Editor’s note: This is a case study inspired by the report “Where The,” that appeared in July/August 2006 issue (vol. 12, no. 4) of AIR. That article profiled the study “The Definite Article: Acknowledging ‘The’ in Index Entries,” Glenda Browne, The Indexer, vol. 22, no. 3, April 2001,
pp. 119–22.]
Three long shelves span the wall of my office. Over a period of years I neglected to shelve books and they piled up in odd stacks. So many students responded to my announcement seeking a research assistant for $10 an hour that I felt compelled to pick a student almost at random. I chose a student from China, enrolled in law school, because I thought I might learn something about Chinese students, as I had recently been assigned to be the doctoral supervisor of a student from Taiwan, Hui-Wen. I asked my new assistant, Yi-Chuan, to alphabetize the shelves, and indicated where there were clumps of books that needed to be alphabetized in with the others.
Alphabetizing took Yi-Chuan a long time. I chatted briefly with her, but mostly ran errands, checked email or talked with students while she worked, two hours a week, across the period of a month. She had to climb up on chairs, and haul stacks of books from one end of the shelves to the other. Finally she announced she was done. I thanked her cheerily, glad to get my Friday afternoons back, and said good-by. A few days later, I was distraught over a missing library book that Hui-wen had checked out for me and needed to return. I thoroughly searched my home and both labs, worried that I would be viewed as criminally irresponsible by dutiful Hui-wen, who could barely contain her panic at the idea that she might soon be labeled a library felon. Usually a library book that had been recently consulted would just be lying around on a table or... yes, a corner of a bookshelf. Might Yi-Chuan not have understood that I meant her to alphabetize my books, not library books? I scanned the shelves. They made no sense. I cleaned my glasses. “These books are totally unordered!” I finally exclaimed to Hui-wen.
She figured it out and offered, “No, they are ordered -- by title!”
While I know fifty percent of the authors of my books, for the titles I know at most some key words. But worse, my books were also ordered right-to-left. Even worse, titles like “A Natural History of Rape” sometimes followed “Artful Scribbles.” “The Society of Mind” kept company with “The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind.” I would have to not only know the book’s title, but whether the first word was “A” or “The.” But if the jacket artist had not made “A” or “The” prominent, the book might still be filed under the first content word.
For our lost book, we knew the precise title because it was printed on the overdue note from the library. We finally found it by systematically checking each spine. The book was filed under its series title. There it was, complete with prominent call number.
For a while I reminded myself to appreciate the fact that my shelves at least appeared tidy. But the tidiness is now gone, and I still can’t easily find a book when I need it. Whenever I search for a book, I wonder: how much supervision are we suppose to do when we hire someone to help us get out from under disorder?
Puzzling Solutions
Solution to Last Month’s Puzzler
Once you have completed the instructions given in the puzzler, it is a simple matter to complete the transformation of Robert Hooke’s drawing of a flea into a working replica of James Watt’s steam engine.
Here are the final steps:
STEP 261. Fold the paper between Sections E and F.
STEP 262. Fold each Section A down the middle lengthwise.
STEP 263. Glue the middle of Section K to the tip of one of the section Gs (it does not matter which one).
STEP 264. Fold the entire apparatus lengthwise from the center of Section K to the center of Section L.
STEP 265. Repeat the previous step.
STEP 266. Repeat the previous step again.
STEP 267. Insert the free end of each Section M into the corresponding orifice formed in step 105.
Note: There are alternative steps that would achieve the same results.
Lester’s Latest
David Lester. Painting by Nan Swift, AIR staff. |
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Some further works by an under-publicized researcher
compiled by Alice Shirrell Kaswell, AIR staff
Here are three of Professor David Lester’s many publications from recent months. Professor Lester is one of the world’s most productive scholars, if productivity is measured in the number of academic papers published.
In early 2004, we glanced at Professor Lester’s then-approximately 1500 published studies (see “Way to Go, David Lester,” AIR 10:2). Later, we looked at a few of his several hundred publications from the years 2005 and 2006 (see “Lester’s Latest: 2005 & 2006,” “The Economic Art of Suicide,” “Tips from a Master,” and “A Rivalry is Joined: Lester vs. Voracek,” all in AIR 13:3). Since then, in this series called “Lester’s Latest,” we have been attempting to keep up with at least some of his subsequent work.
Suicide Saves Money
“Recalculating the Economic Cost of Suicide,” Bijou Yang and David Lester, Death Studies, vol. 31, no. 4, April 2007, pp. 351–61. Professor Lester reports:
These authors argue that estimates of the net economic cost of suicide should go beyond accounting for direct medical costs and indirect costs from loss of earnings by those who commit suicide. There are potential savings from (a) not having to treat the depressive and other psychiatric disorders of those who kill themselves; (b) avoidance of pension, social security and nursing home care costs; and (c) assisted-suicide. By combining all of these costs and savings, it is concluded that the net economic cost of the 30,906 completed suicides in 1990 entailed an economic gain for the society of roughly $5.07 billion in year-2005 dollars.
Professor Lester’s publications during each year of his career, based on data supplied by Professor Lester in mid-2007. |
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Personal Finance in the Brain 1
“Development of the Executive Personal Finance Scale,” Marcello Spinella, Bijou Yang and David Lester, International Journal of Neuroscience, vol. 117, no. 3, March 2007, pp. 301–13. Professor Lester reports:
There is accumulating evidence that prefrontal systems [of the brain] play an important role in management of personal finances…
This study developed the Executive Personal Finance Scale (EPFS) as a specific self-rating measure of executive [brain function] aspects of personal money management.... [The EPFS] will make a convenient complement to other research methodologies exploring the neural basis of personal finance management.
Personal Finance in the Brain 2
Professor Lester’s publications, cumulatively, based on that same data. |
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“Prefrontal Systems in Financial Processing,” Marcello Spinella, Bijou Yang and David Lester, Journal of Socio-Economics, vol. 36, no. 3, June 2007, pp. 480–89. Professor Lester reports:
Prefrontal systems of the brain are logical regions to study in terms of finances, given their roles in executive functions....
This paper reviews [four other] studies... [In this study, we are] confirming that prefrontal systems play a role in specific aspects of finances including income and credit card use.
Lester by the Numbers
In July 2007, Professor Lester sent us a note that said:
You have to stop “short-changing” me. 1,000 articles!!!!!! I’m over 2200 articles, chapters and books.
The note was accompanied by an 88-page-long document listing all of his publications, and also presenting the following set of numbers:
Professor Lester’s Publication Record (as of July 2007)
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Cumulative Publication numbers |
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1964 |
1-1 |
1 |
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1965 |
0 |
0 |
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1966 |
2-9 |
8 |
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1967 |
10-27 |
18 |
|
1968 |
28-50 |
23 |
|
1969 |
51-68 |
18 |
|
1970 |
69-124 |
56 |
|
1971 |
125-164 |
40 |
|
1972 |
165-185 |
21 |
|
1973 |
186-219 |
34 |
|
1974 |
220-251 |
32 |
|
1975 |
252-264 |
13 |
|
1976 |
265-280 |
16 |
|
1977 |
281-300 |
20 |
|
1978 |
301-317 |
17 |
|
1979 |
318-345 |
28 |
|
1980 |
346-383 |
38 |
|
1981 |
384-408 |
25 |
|
1982 |
409-437 |
29 |
|
1983 |
438-465 |
28 |
|
1984 |
466-499 |
34 |
|
1985 |
500-530 |
31 |
|
1986 |
531-576 |
46 |
|
1987 |
577-648 |
72 |
|
1988 |
649-742 |
94 |
|
1989 |
743-840 |
98 |
|
1990 |
841-924 |
84 |
|
1991 |
925-1022 |
98 |
|
1992 |
1023-1119 |
97 |
|
1993 |
1120-1226 |
107 |
|
1994 |
1227-1342 |
116 |
|
1995 |
1343-1458 |
116 |
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1996 |
1459-1534 |
76 |
|
1997 |
1535-1628 |
94 |
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1998 |
1629-1711 |
83 |
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1999 |
1712-1789 |
78 |
|
2000 |
1790-1864 |
75 |
|
2001 |
1865-1917 |
53 |
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2002 |
1918-1989 |
72 |
|
2003 |
1990-2047 |
58 |
|
2004 |
2048-2095 |
48 |
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2005 |
2096-2145 |
50 |
|
2006 |
2146-2202 |
55 |
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2007 |
2204-2248 |
45 |
Plucked from Obscurity: Technology + Animals
Inventive, yet under-publicized devices
by Marina Tsipis, Improbable Research staff
The history of technology is, in part, the history of machinery that works in cooperation with animals (or with things that look or sound like animals). Here is a part of that part of technology history.
Dog-Assisted Surveillance
U.S. patent #6782847 granted August 31, 2004 to David Shemesh and Dan Forman, both based in Israel, for an “automated surveillance monitor of non-humans in real time.” The patent contains a sequence of three drawings—reproduced here—that, by themselves, pretty much explain the inventors’ thinking.
Nevertheless, Shemesh and Forman also attempt a description in words. Here is their in-a-nutshell verson:
A system for non human animal-based surveillance including a non-human animal-borne, non-human animal noise sensor, and a non-human animal noise analyzer operative to receive sensed non-human animal noises, to determine at least partially therefrom whether an alarm situation exists and to provide an alarm indication output.
In this technical drawing, three passing terrorists have killed one of the sensor-bearing dogs. The other dog says “WOOF WOOF WOOF.” Shemesh and Forman write that “ One or more video displays 54 showing a scene as imaged by video camera 47 as well as communication apparatus, typically including at least one speaker 56, at least one microphone 58 and at least one keyboard 60, enable personnel at the remote monitoring station to speak or send messages to persons at a site protected by the system of the present invention, as illustrated in FIG. IB and FIG. 1C.... FIG. 1C illustrates a situation where a dog has been killed by an intruder, also indicating an alarm situation.” |
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In this technical drawing, two of the sensor-bearing dogs are alarmed by a passing terrorist. Both dogs say “WOOF WOOF WOOF.” Shemesh and Forman write that “FIG. 1B illustrates a situation wherein the amplitude and perhaps also the frequency of the barking of a dog indicates an alarm situation.” |
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In this technical drawing, one of the sensor-bearing dogs is alarmed by a passing cat. The dog says “WOOF WOOF WOOF.” Inventors David Shemesh and Dan Forman write that “FIG. 1A illustrates surveillance apparatus 10, mounted on a guard dog, which communicates with a monitoring station 12, preferably via a wireless network 14.... The surveillance apparatus 10 preferably comprises a barking sensor assembly 20, typically comprising a microphone/speaker 22, which outputs via a filter 24 to an amplifier 26 and thence preferably to a analog to digital converter 28.” |
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Artificial-Cat-Based Scarecrow
Hugh Huffman and Ernest J. Peck invented this scarecrow.
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U.S. patent #1167502 was granted to Hugh Huffman and Ernest J. Peck of Portland, Oregon on January 11, 1916 for a “scarecrow” that features an artificial cat. The cat’s movements, driven by wind, gravity, and Isaac Newton’s three laws of motion, are intended to mimic those of a genuine, living feline.
False Heartbeat to Attract Mosquitoes
U.S. patent #5241778 was granted to Ron D. Price of Pasadena, Texas on September 7, 1993 for a “method of attracting and eradicating insects comprising attracting insects to a heartbeat sound.”
Ron D. Price invented this device to attract mosquitoes by electronically generating the sound of a human heart beating. The drawing here shows the sound generator, and also an “eradication unit... comprising a sensor 50, toxic gas container 52, solenoid valve 54, spray nozzle 56, and converter 58.” |
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Mr. Price writes writes: “The present invention is based on the concept that insects, and particularly female mosquitoes, are attracted to an animal as a food source by the acoustic sounds of the animal’s heartbeat.... Research has suggested that mosquitoes are particularly attracted to the acoustic sounds simulating a human heartbeat operating at an above-normal frequency and/or to the heartbeat of a sick individual.”
Sniffing-at-a-Distance
Henry A. Lowe invented this apparatus for testing the odor emanating from used animal litter.In his patent, Lowe writes that “a fan is provided in the tester’s compartment for drawing the air from any selected one of the animal compartments into and through the tester’s compartment. Drains are preferably provided in the bottom of the compartments to permit water and other liquids to drain therefrom.” |
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U.S. patent #4411156 was granted to Henry E. Lowe of Cassopolis, Michigan on October 25, 1983 for an “odor testing apparatus.” The invention is meant to aid manufacturers of animal litter, who sometimes find it difficult to gauge how much their products will stink over time. The patent explains how to build:
An apparatus for testing small animal litter in which a plurality of compartments are employed for living quarters for the small animals, such as cats, and for a container with litter to be tested, and these animal compartments are connected by conduits to a compartment for a tester to use to sniff the odor from any one of the animal compartments.
Boys Will Be Boys
Research by and for adolescent males of all ages and sexes
compiled by Katherine Lee, Improbable Research staff
Bottoms Up Up Bottoms
“A Case Report of Drinking Glass in Rectum,” M. Hasan, M.A. Talukder, K. Islam, M.F. Mustafa, and M.A. Rahman, Mymensingh Medical Journal, vol. 15, no. 1, January 2006,
pp. 96–8. (Thanks to Andreas Bohne for bringing this to our attention.)
British English
“Usage and Origin of Expletives in British English,” Hana Cechová, undergraduate diploma thesis, Department of English Language and Literature, Masaryk University Brno, The Czech Republic, April 20, 2006. The author offers this summary:
The main purpose of the thesis is to provide the reader with a general outline of English expletives, their usage, origin and semantic categories of related words. In addition to legal restraints which limited and punished usage of expletives uttered either in public or private, the study also explores given historical periods—such as Old English, Middle English, the Renaissance and Modern period—in order to illustrate development of expletives throughout the centuries, analysing expletives found in works of the most prominent contemporary writers of the period, e.g. Chaucer, Shakespeare etc.
Everything in Its Proper Place (in Britain)
“Towards a Geography of Sexual Encounter: Prostitution in English Medieval Towns,” Nigel Baker and Richard A. Holt, in Bevan, L (ed.) Indecent Exposure: Sexuality, Society, and the Archaeological Record, Cruithne Press, Glasgow, 2000, pp. 187–98. (Thanks to Ellen Droney for bringing this to our attention.) The book includes a discussion of why many English cities had a street named Gropecunt Lane.
Size and the Poet
“A Penis-shortening Device Described by the 13th Century Poet Rumi,” C.W. Moeliker, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36(6): 767, December 2007. (Note: The author won the 2003 Ig Nobel Biology Prize for a study, unrelated to this subject, involving homosexual necrophilia in the mallard duck.)
Fiscal Cycling for Lap Dancers
“Ovulatory Cycle Effects on Tip Earnings by Lap Dancers: Economic Evidence for Human Estrus?” Geoffrey Miller, Joshua M. Tybur and Brent D. Jordan, Evolution and Human Behavior, vol. 28, 2007, pp. 375–81. (Thanks to Steve Milford for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, at the University of New Mexico, explain:
All women made less money during their menstrual periods, whether they were on the pill or not. However, the normally cycling women made much more money during estrus (about US $354 per shift)—about US $90 more than during the luteal phase and about US $170 more than during the menstrual phase. Estrous women made about US $70 per hour, luteal women made about US $50 per hour, and menstruating women made about US $35 per hour. By contrast, the pill users had no midcycle peak in tip earnings.... This also results in pill users making only US $193 per shift compared to normally cycling women making US $276 per shift—a loss of more than US $80 per shift.
Smuts and Smuts on Smut
“Male Aggression and Sexual Coercion of Females in Nonhuman Primates and Other Mammals: Evidence and Theoretical Implications,” B.B. Smuts, and R.W. Smuts, Advances in the Study of Animal Behavior, vol. 22, 1993, pp. 1-63. (Thanks to Wim Crusio for bringing this to our attention.)
Authors and Title of Note
“Ovarian Teratoma in a Bitch,” S.A. Headley, E.J. Fuck, E.T. Fuck, and C.E. Curti, Veterinary Record, vol. 158, no. 16, April 22, 2006, pp. 565–7. (Thanks to Mark Benecke for bringing this to our attention.)
Vanishingly Small Membership, Mentally
“Koro—The Psychological Disappearance of the Penis,” Johan J. Mattelaer and Wolfgang Jilek, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, vol. 4, no. 5, 2007, pp. 1509–15. (Thanks to Kristine Danowski for bringing this to our attention.)
Spectroscopy, Sheep, and Testicular Torsion
“Feasibility of Using Near-Infrared Spectroscopy to Diagnose Testicular Torsion: An Experimental Study in Sheep,” Geoffrey A. Capraro, Timothy J. Mader, Bret F. Coughlin, Carolanne Lovewell, Myron R.L. St. Louis, Michael Tirabassi, George Wadie, and Howard A. Smithline, Annals of Emergency Medicine, vol. 49, 2007, pp. 520-5. (Thanks to David Jackson for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are variously at Baystate Medical Center, Springfield, Massachusetts and at Tufts University School of Medicine, report:
Two animals were studied per day. Each animal was placed prone, with the hind legs propped to allow the scrotum to hang freely off the operating table. Each animal underwent 7.5 hours of experimental measurements.
Bends on the Learning Curve
Improbable ideas and explanations collected from classrooms
by Richard Lederer
Here are some biological discoveries described by students in their homework and tests:
• A spine is the long bone that goes down your back. Your head sits on one end, and
you sit on the other.
• It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
• A fibula is a small lie.
• A disease associated with smoking is premature death.
• When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
• Some viruses can lie doormat for years.
Please send your best specimens, together with sources whenever possible, to:
Richard Lederer, 10034 Mesa Madera Drive, San Diego, CA 92131 USA
Icky Cutesy Research Review
Research reports that are icky and/or cutesy
compiled by Alice Shirrell Kaswell, Improbable Research staff
Cutesy: Imaginary Pussy
“The Howl and the Pussy: Feral Cats and Wild Dogs in the Australian Imagination,” Nicholas Smith, Australian Journal of Anthropology, vol. 10, no 3, 1999, pp. 288–305.
This paper looks at recent attention given to feral cats in Australia, particularly focusing on their symbolic status in eco-nationalist discourses.... [The] vilification of the cat can be related to much earlier forms of (mainly European) symbolism associating the creature with femininity and evil, which I illustrate by looking at the manner in which the feral cat is opposed to the masculinised Australian wild dog-the dingo.
Cutesy: Shakes
“’What’s Shakin’, Dude?’: Effective Use of Modal Shakers,” R.L. Mayes and A.J. Gomez, Experimental Techniques, vol. 30, no. 4, July–August 2006, pp. 51–61. (Thanks to Tom Gill for bringing this to our attention.)
Cutesy: The Princess Anne Toilet Paper
“Do Women with Urinary Incontinence Really Know Where All the Toilets Are?: The Toilet Paper,” Annette Kuhn, Kathleen Vits, Peter Kuhn and Ash Monga, European Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology and Reproductive Biology, vol. 129, no. 1, November 2006, pp. 65–8 (Thanks to Domenico Pecorari for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are variously at Princess Anne Hospital, Southampton, United Kingdom and at Universitätsfrauenklinik in Bern, Switzerland and at Effingerszentrum, Bern, report that:
Women with overactive bladder are more likely to exhibit precautionary voiding prior to leaving home and have significantly more detailed knowledge about toilets in their neighbourhood.
Potentially Icky (Harry Potter)
“Product Recalls: Harry Potter Key Chains,” Child Health Alert, June 2002, vol. 20, no. 6.
Icky: Eye on a Pipe
“Airbag Deployment and Eye Perforation by a Tobacco Pipe,” F.H. Walz, M. Mackay and B. Gloor, Journal of Trauma, vol. 38, no. 4, April 1995, pp. 498–501. The authors, at the University of Zurich, Switzerland, report:
[The] driver of an airbag-equipped car suffered a severe penetrating eye injury after the airbag deployed.... The investigation of the car interior as well as the morphologic details of the injuries to the eye and the face revealed that the most likely candidate for the injury was a tobacco pipe, which was probably being held in one hand and was broken apart by the deploying airbag and projected into the face of the driver. This case illustrates the hazard of having any rigid object between the occupant and the deploying airbag.
Soft Is Hard
Further evidence why the “soft” sciences are the hardest to do well
compiled by Alice Shirrell Kaswell and Bissell Mango, Improbable Research staff
Side-Effect of Hand-Sitting
“Does Sitting on Your Hands Make You Bite Your Tongue? The Effects of Gesture Prohibition on Speech During Motor Descriptions,” Autumn B. Hostetter, Martha W. Alibali and Sotaro Kita, paper presented at the 29th Annual Conference of the Cognitive Science Society, Nashville, TN, August 1–4, 2007. (Thanks to Martin Gardiner for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are variously at the University of Wisconsin–Madison and at the University of Birmingham, report:
Participants in the hands restrained condition were given a 25 x 60 x 2 cm wooden board to place across their laps. On the top of this board, there were several strips of Velcro. The participants were also given cotton gloves to wear that had the opposite side of the Velcro attached to the palms and fingers. They were asked to place their hands on the board, so that the two sides of the Velcro adhered. In this way, they were discouraged from moving their hands during the task without being forcefully restrained....
It seems... that sitting on your hands does influence your tongue, though it does not make you bite it completely.
Handball: Official Stress
“Sources of Stress Among Greek Team Handball Referees: Construction and Validation of the Handball Officials’ Sources of Stress Survey,” H. Tsorbatzoudis, A. Kaissidis-Rodafinos, S. Partemian and G. Grouios, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 100, no. 3, part 1, June 2005, pp. 821–30.
Swearing is Better in One’s Native Language
“The Emotional Force of Swearwords and Taboo Words in the Speech of Multilinguals,” J.M. Dewaele, Journal of Multilingual and Multicultural Development, vol. 25, nos. 2–3, 2004, pp. 204–22. (Thanks to Cathy Harris-Caldwell for bringing this to our attention.)
This paper investigates the perception of emotional force of swearwords and taboo words (S-T words) among 1039 multilinguals.... Participants who learned their language(s) in a naturalistic or partly naturalistic context gave higher ratings on emotional force of S-T words in that language than instructed language learners.
Vegetable Personalities
“The Personality of Vegetables: Botanical Metaphors for Human Characteristics,” Robert Sommer, Journal of Personality, vol. 56, no. 4, December 1988, pp. 667–83. (Thanks to Sally Paik for bringing this to our attention.) The author explains that:
A dictionary search indicated that fruit and vegetable metaphors for human characteristics were relatively infrequent. When used, they were more likely to describe physical than personality attributes, often with euphemistic overtones, and fruit metaphors reflected more favorable characteristics than did vegetable metaphors. These findings were confirmed in a semantic analysis of fruit, vegetable, and animal terms.
Sizing Up: The Student Body
“Mismatch of Classroom Furniture and Student Body Dimensions,” C. Parcells, M. Stommel and R.P. Hubbard, Journal of Adolescent Health, 1999, vol. 24, pp. 265–73.
The present study quantified the level of mismatch between seated anthropometric characteristics and the dimensions of the furniture used by 189 students in three New Zealand secondary schools.... It is concluded that there is a high level of mismatch.
Honesty in the Classroom (1)
“Is There a Relationship Between Honor Codes and Academic Dishonesty?” Rodney Arnold, Barbara N. Martin, Michael Jinks and Linda Bigby, Journal of College and Character, vol. 7, no. 2, February 2007. The authors conclude that the answer is No.
Honesty in the Classroom (2)
“Faculty Perceptions of Plagiarism,” Jean Liddell and Valerie Fong, Journal of College and Character, vol. 2, 2005. The authors report that nearly all of the professors claimed that plagiarism is slightly worse nationwide than on their campus, slightly worse campus-wide than in their department, and slightly worse in the department than in just their own classes.
Mm
“The Conversation Object Mm: A Weak and Variable Acknowledging Token,” Rod Gardner, Research on Language and Social Interaction, vol. 30, no. 2, 1997,
pp. 131–56. This report:
Examines some characteristics of “Mm,” in particular its variants, as a weak acknowledging token, a continuer, and a weak assessment within the Australian context. Findings indicate that the most common “Mm” is best characterized as an acknowledging object used to mark unproblematic receipt of the immediately prior talk and no prospective interactional significance.
Tales of the Unexpected: In the Betting Office
“FI Schedules and Persistence at Gambling in the U.K. Betting Office,” M. G. Dickerson, Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, vol.12, 1979, pp. 315–23.
This study reports on the direct observations of customers in two U.K. betting offices gambling on horse and dog races. These observations revealed that bets were more frequently placed in the last minutes just prior to the start (the OFF), and that this was caused by high-frequency gamblers (customers who had eight or more bets in a session) consistently placing their bets in the last two minutes prior tothe OFF.
May We Recommend
Items that merit a trip to the library
compiled by Stephen Drew, Improbable Research staff
The Art of Freckles
“The History of Freckles in Art” [article in German], H.W. Seimens, Der Hautarzt, vol. 18, no. 5, May 1967, pp. 230–2.
Third-Order Optical Nonlinearity in Guinness Stout
“Third-Order Optical Nonlinearity in Guinness Stout,” F.Z. Henari and W. Blau, Photonic Science News, vol. 3, 1998, pp. 10–3. (Thanks to Mauricio Alvarez-Manilla for bringing this to our attention.)
Intergenerational Food Exchange
“Parental Consumption of Nestling Feces: Good Food or Sound Economics?” P.L. Hurd, P.J. Weatherhead and S.B. McRae, Behavioral Ecology, vol. 2, 1991, pp. 69–76.
We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please enclose the full citation (no abbreviations!) and, if possible, a copy of the paper.
AIR Teachers’ Guide
Three out of five teachers agree: curiosity is a dangerous thing, especially in students. If you are one of the other two teachers, AIR and mini-AIR can be powerful tools. Choose your favorite hAIR-raising article and give copies to your students. The approach is simple. The scientist thinks that he (or she, or whatever), of all people, has discovered something about how the universe behaves. So:
• Is this scientist right—and what does “right” mean, anyway?
• Can you think of even one different explanation that works as well or better?
• Did the test really, really, truly, unquestionably, completely test what the author thought he was testing?
• Is the scientist ruthlessly honest with himself about how well his idea explains everything, or could he be suffering from wishful thinking?
• Some people might say this is foolish. Should you take their word for it?
• Other people might say this is absolutely correct and important. Should you take their word for it?
Kids are naturally good scientists. Help them stay that way.
Teachers: You have our permission—and encouragement— to photocopy AIR articles and hand them out in your classroom.
Cartoon by Nick Kim
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What is this picture? (see page 1)